Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Musical Dilemma


I am having a dilemma. I love music, I always have. I especially love playing with groups of people and having fun with music. Since October I returned to the community band that I played in before I became pregnant. I like this band a lot and have never been disappointed playing in it. The past few months I have been having mixed feelings about continuing in the band. Once I get to rehearsals, I have fun, and I enjoy playing the concerts. I like feeling like I belong and am needed. I like making music and not abandoning my passion. However, I dread leaving the house. I dread leaving Jordan. I hate that my husband is finally at home and I have to leave. I hate having to stick to a strict schedule on Mondays (rehearsal days) so that I can get there in time. I hate having to find a sitter for the concerts. I have actually been developing some anxiety over leaving Jordan with other people and I know I will be a mess this coming Sunday, our next concert. Is the gratification I get from playing with a group of people worth the tears and anxiety I face every week? I don't even get to practice because Jordan is not a fan of mommy's music, so I am not making improvements in between rehearsals, and I don't feel I play my best at concerts. It sucks big time. I wish there was a middle ground but I either hate it or love it. Right now I am leaning towards not returning after this upcoming concert. I fear once I quit I will never have an outlet to play music again...

Am I doing the right thing by not returning? I hope so....

1 comment:

Boo said...

Katie, there will be a time...not too far in the future, when Jordan begs you to play your music so she can dance. She will want to sit on your lap, or Daddy's lap to hear you play.

Giving it up now does not mean forever. I am 100% confident that you will find a way to play that doesn't compromise your family life. There WILL come a time when Jordan will sit and watch in ore as you play up on stage.

Letting it go for now is not letting go of your dreams. It's just a break.